solstice

Jun. 21st, 2006 11:22 pm
jainajade: female vampire hunter posing by stained glass window (JJ window)
Longest day of the year, apparently. It snuck up on me, what with the time differential between -- well. What with quirks of portals and all.

I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself. I've done that already, many times. I should be happy with what I have: the eye of a charming chap, the ability to weasel free caffeine out of him...

...wreckage to live in and to feel sorry for myself in...

Shit.

I've already sung this song, I know. Poor JJ. She broke the rules and cried about it. Pity! Pity for the freaky-haired, freaky-headed idiot!

I'm not sorry to have lived my life. I like my adopted family members and assorted friends. I'm glad I met someone as interested in me as I am in him. He's a mage too; Kara would approve.

And there's the problem. I don't have Kara anymore. I like my new life, but I liked my old one too, and I have never understood why the old had to die away.

Oh geez, explanations. Um. When I was a kid, my family decided I would take up the family business. That happened to be smiting the undead, which sounds exciting but is actually a bitch. I was trained by a wonderful woman named Kara, whose approval meant everything to me -- so of course I was nothing like her. She was clever and quite talented; I was clumsy, slow, and a test of her limited patience.

She died. I was supposed to be proving how well she'd trained me, and I totally choked, and it was all my fault.

Family was not at all happy about losing a good worker and being stuck with me instead. They kicked me out and cut all ties. Screw them anyway, I figured, and walked away.

Except that in my head, I still belong there.

It's getting dark -- not safe to be writing. Tonight will be short work, and then I can sleep. If I'm lucky I won't even dream about waking up back home. Those are nightmares in reverse. They're lovely. And then you wake up, and they're not anymore.

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Jaina Jade

April 2013

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